Adoption
often right decision for young expectant
mothers
By
John W. Kennedy (5/11/03)
Caron
was a straight-A student who never caused
trouble. She attended an Assemblies of
God church with her parents every week.
But at 15, she started hanging out with
the wrong crowd and soon became pregnant.
Tara,
although 20 and in college, felt she had
nowhere to turn when she learned of her
pregnancy. She knew being unmarried and
pregnant would make it difficult to remain
in the small town where she attended college.
Jo,
19, had a 19-year-old boyfriend, William,
who wanted to marry and keep their baby.
But William didn’t have a job and
Jo didn’t think marrying would by
itself provide a good start for the baby.
All
three young women ended up at Highlands
Child Placement Services, a 12-acre
campus for expectant mothers in Kansas
City, Mo., that has helped facilitate
more than 725 adoptions in its 37 years.
There, a decade ago, these three bore
their babies, made adoption placement
plans, continued their education and survived
the most difficult phase in their lives.
They all now are married and have had
another child. Their last names and cities
of residence aren’t being revealed
because of confidentiality concerns in
adoption cases. (All three stay in touch
with their adopted child.)
Highlands
is a residential maternity home that covers
the housing, clothing and food costs of
expectant mothers. The dozen staff members
under the direction of Administrator Edward
M. Crawford ensure that the girls and
women receive proper medical care and
legal services for adoption.
Caron
says Highlands, which is under the auspices
of the Assemblies of God Benevolences
Department, helped her to make an informed
decision on whether to keep her baby or
allow an adoption. Because the baby’s
father signed away parental rights, Caron
realized she would have difficulty raising
a baby by herself at age 16.
“Placing
my daughter for adoption was the hardest
thing I have ever done,” says Caron,
who lives in Kentucky. “I prayed
and prayed that God would help me make
the right choice. Once I made the decision,
Highlands supported me 100 percent.”
At
Highlands, Caron says she learned a pattern
of seeking God’s wisdom in daily
decisions and the importance of Bible
reading and prayer. In addition, she says
Highlands staff members helped solidify
her relationship with the Lord and instilled
basic life principles that kept her from
making the same mistake again. “If
you make a really poor decision you feel
like you can’t be forgiven,”
Caron says. “But my housemother
always reminded me that God forgives us
and that He can turn a bad situation into
something beautiful.”
The
expectant mothers at Highlands are involved
in the selection of their babies’
adoptive parents. They review adoptive
couple portfolios, which include background
information about the couple, a letter
and a photo album. The amount of contact
the adoptive couple has with the birth
mother varies — from correspondence
handled by the agency as an intermediary,
to occasional visits.
Caron
has a semi-open relationship with the
adoptive parents and she receives pictures
of and letters from her firstborn, with
Highlands (highlands.ag.org) acting as
the intermediary for all correspondence
to keep residency undisclosed. Caron believes
God confirmed that she made the right
choice because the adoptive parents —
without realizing it — gave the
baby girl the same first name as Caron’s
surname.
After
living at Highlands, Caron not only finished
high school but also graduated from a
state university, obtaining a full scholarship
because of her good grades. Caron, who
is now a public schoolteacher, and her
husband of two years have a 6-month-old
daughter of their own.
“Pretty
much everything good in my life I can
attribute to Highlands in one way or another,”
Caron told PE Report. “God really
used Highlands as a way to move my life
forward.”
Tara
dropped out of nursing school when she
learned of her pregnancy. A physician
and nurse repeatedly urged her to obtain
an abortion, telling her a nine-month
pregnancy would ruin her life.
Instead,
she lived at Highlands for eight months,
staying after her delivery to finish dental
assistant training classes. She remembers
being impacted by Highlands Bible studies.
“During
that part of my life I was wrapped up
in the pleasures of sin,” says Tara,
who lives in Montana. “God picked
me up out of a mud puddle, cleaned me
off and said, ‘I have something
better for you.’ God showed me the
importance of studying Scriptures and
really living the way He wanted me to
live, rather than just branding myself
a Christian and not really knowing what
that entailed. I grew a lot spiritually.”
She
says Highlands staff helped her through
the trying times. “They were there
for me 24/7, willing and able to serve
God by tending to me,” Tara recalls.
She saw several young girls change their
minds and decide to parent their baby
right after giving birth. But Tara didn’t
believe raising a child on her own without
support from her parents or the baby’s
father would be fair to the child. “I
prayed every morning, God give me strength
and the knowledge that this is Your will,”
she says.
“God
blessed everybody in my situation,”
says Tara, who has volunteered at a Christian
pregnancy care center. “Highlands
met my need. My daughter needed someone
to be good parents. And her mom and dad
were unable to have children of their
own, so this was the answer to their prayers.”
Now, Tara and her husband have a 4-year-old
daughter.
Unlike
Caron and Tara, Jo ended up marrying William,
the father of her baby boy — five
years after she had selected an adoptive
family through Highlands.
“I
wanted to keep the baby, but it would
have been a bad decision,” William
says now. “He got a much better
start in life than if we had tried to
raise him.”
William
initially balked at relinquishing parental
rights, but he relented after two months.
Subsequently, he quit attending church
and turned away from the Lord.
The
couple, knowing the grim divorce statistics
for young people who marry because of
an unexpected pregnancy, believe they
wouldn’t be together today if they
had married as teenagers.
“I
was just a punk kid without a job or motivation
to work,” William recalls. “It
was the right decision.”
The
couple, married for five years and living
in Missouri, now have a 3-year-old daughter
and 9-month-old son. Today, William has
a good-paying job and the family lives
in a beautiful new home.
While
the ordeal over the decision to place
their first son for adoption split the
couple apart, William believes the Lord
ultimately restored their relationship
and in the process renewed his spiritual
commitment.
“God
brought us together a long time ago as
teenagers,” Jo says. “We were
just in too much of a hurry. But God took
our bad choice and turned it into something
good. He brought a blessing — our
son — out of a bad circumstance.”
